Mistakes
by venus goddess
Summary: Two points of view on one very complicated issue about feelings and emotions. What one person intends and another interprets. Between Misao's beaten pride and Aoshi's unstable emotional state, what love can there ever be? AxM
1. Chapter 1

**AN**- Well I promised an Aoshi x Misao story and here I have one. With school started, I haven't really had time to work on my other stories. This year in school is really important for me, and I need to do so many things. Just give me time, and I will have chapters out. I always do, it just takes me a while.

Don't forget to drop a review; I do believe that they work as bribes. In my case at least.

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**Mistakes  
**Chapter One- **My First One  
**By **Venus Goddess**

This shouldn't have happened. It was a mistake, one that would cost dearly.

Looking around the room I avoided the futon in the corner. She had kicked it there shortly after I had told her to leave.

Why did I invite her back with me anyway? Was I that afraid of my own feelings that I needed a whore to reassure myself? If that had been my intention, the only thing I had succeeded in doing was to prove myself entirely wrong.

Sinking further into myself, I tried to block out her face and her reaction. But the images, her image, were burned too deeply into my mind and they would not be pushed aside so easily. Just like her personality, her memories were stubborn. Once again I gave in to the guilt and went back to earlier in the day when I had made my first mistake.

_It wasn't possible. I couldn't handle this._

"_Aoshi-sa-…no. Aoshi, I-I love you," she said looking so shyly up at me as she brought forth her admission. Her hands were nervously clenching and unclenching the fabric of the kimono that Omasu and Okon had wrestled her into._

_I didn't have anything to say to this, but I knew she was expecting an answer. So I racked my brain to give her one. _

"_You shouldn't Misao."_

_Her head, which had been bent down to cover the blush on her cheeks, snapped up to look at me. I watched as her eyes widened in dismay before sinking into despair. Small pools of tears began to form but she wouldn't let them fall. They wouldn't fall, she wouldn't let them because she was too proud and too stubborn to let them. I knew Misao like no one else. So then why wouldn't I let myself be with her?_

_Her mouth moved, but she didn't say anything that I could hear. Swiftly pulling herself together, I saw her retreat behind mental barriers, safely staying away from me. _

_It was a simple trick that all ninjas, and most warriors like the samurai, were taught to do. At the first sign of danger, reign in all your emotions. This made it easier to concentrate on the battle, and made the chance of mental damage less likely as well. It pained me to know that Misao now had to resort to this to protect herself from me. _

_But what other choice was there? She deserved better than the hollow person that I was. I was a relic from the past that someone as young as her should not spend her time on. No, we shouldn't, couldn't be._

_At least that was what I kept telling myself._

_Bending forward slightly to pick up the tray she had brought my tea on, I placed the cup I was still holding on it. Carefully standing up to keep the tray balanced, she said one thing before slowly walking back to the Aoiya._

"_So then it shall be, Aoshi-sama."_

_Unable to take seeing her at the dinner table, I had left shortly after. I didn't even know what I was doing, but eventually found myself in the red-light district of Kyoto. I walked into the nearest door and paid for the first woman to come up to me and took her home._

I hadn't cried all day, not even after I had gotten back to my room and it would have been safe for me to do so. Not even now, after I had seen him bring that woman home, did I cry. I was stronger than this, it would not destroy me.

His rejection I could handle, I had even been expecting it. But to shove it in my face as he had done, that was just cruel.

The candle fizzed out in its own wax, plunging me into darkness. Here, in the complete nothingness of the black room, nothing could protect me from what he had done. But I would not cry. That was and is my only goal, to not cry. Because if I did, it would only prove that I still cared for him which he obviously did not want me to do.

_I heard the back shoji downstairs slide open. _

_Shortly after dinner, he had left and now he was back. Opening my shoji, I walked down the hall towards the steps where I would greet him. He would probably be annoyed, but I didn't care. My feelings for him would not be pushed aside so quickly and easily. Besides, I just had to make sure he was alright._

_Waiting at the top of the stairs, I wondered on what I would say to him. After about a minute had passed and he still hadn't come up the stairs, I went down. I had heard the door open, hadn't I? I wasn't going crazy this easily._

_When I got to the kitchens where the back door was, I saw why he hadn't come up and suddenly found myself wishing I were crazy. That way, this could all just be in my mind._

_Aoshi was pressed up against the wall by a woman who was kissing him quite eagerly. His hands lay on her waist and did nothing more as he let her have her way with him. She only stopped kissing him when Aoshi stopped kissing her because he had opened his eyes and seen me. _

_Pulling himself up straight, he looked at me with those cold chips of blue ice. I turned my head away because I couldn't bear to look in them. There was no shame, no guilt, not even the barest hint of lust that I expected to find there. This especially hurt me because if he didn't feel passionately about her, then why bring her back here at all? I knew that Aoshi wasn't the type to regularly sleep around with women, so my mind came up with one reason. He did it to intentionally hurt me, to show me that what I said earlier meant nothing to him. I felt tears begin to fill my eyes. I had to get away and soon. _

_Looking back up at the two of them, the whore decided to speak. She wasn't that ugly, but she wasn't the prettiest thing either. Her mouth curled up in a wicked smile and I knew that she reveled in being the cause for my obvious pain. I developed a furious hatred for her immediately._

_"Go run back to your room little girl and leave us so we can get back to what we were doing," she said as she slid a hand into the folds of his shirt. "We were having a good time, weren't we?" she asked, turning her head up to look at Aoshi. _

_He didn't say anything. Not in affirmation of what she claimed or to defend me against her brutal words. All he did was look at me. My chest hurt, and I could have sworn that I had just been stabbed. _

_His not answering obviously didn't please her, so she pulled his face back down for a kiss. I didn't stay to watch it happen. Quickly turning on my heel, I took her advice and ran to my room._

I could feel my heart shatter all over again into a million jagged pieces. The tears were coming and I bit my lip to stop them. Biting until I bled, I was surprised to find myself cursing Aoshi and hoping that he would one day feel the pain of having his heart and soul torn apart as cruelly as mine had been.

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	2. Chapter 2

**AN-** Well here I am home alone with a stomach virus updating my story. What am I thinking? This just shows how much I love you guys. Happy reading!

**Disclaimer-** The gorgeous icicle also known as Aoshi is not mine, and neither is Misao or anyone else that appears in Rurouni Kenshin.

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**Mistakes  
**Chapter Two- **Goodbye  
**By **Venus Goddess**

_**Misao**_

The sun had risen hours ago, bringing new hope to the people of the land of the rising sun. Except for me since I have none. The only true hope I had ever really had was to someday become Mrs. Aoshi Shinomori, but that was no longer a possibility. He had shunned me and in doing so crushed all my hopes and dreams.

While running around the country looking for Aoshi, I had often thought about what I would do when I actually found him. It had all seemed so simple then. I would find him, bring him back home along with Hannya and the rest, marry him and then my life would be set. I let out a bitter laugh. How foolish my dreams were.

My eyes were bruised from lack of sleep and my hair was probably a mess as well. As it was getting later in the morning, the other occupants of the Aoiya were beginning to wonder why I wasn't up yet. I heard Omasu ask Okina if anything had happened yesterday that she didn't know about. Usually when I didn't get up it was because something had upset me. I barely left my room for a month after Aoshi had left me the first time. I didn't hear his answer but supposed it satisfied her curiosity since she didn't come up to check on me.

Aoshi had gone to the temple at the break of dawn as he usually did. For some reason this disappointed me and I had to wonder at myself for that. What did I expect him to do? Wallow in his room with guilt and shame weighing down on his conscience? Of course not. This was Aoshi. Stone-cold Aoshi-sama.

Burying my head deeper into my arms, I steeled myself for the upcoming day. Sooner or later someone would come to drag me out of bed and I had to be ready by then. Sighing, I looked out the window. The tears were coming again, but I didn't let them fall. No tears, Misao, no tears.

_**Aoshi**_

I couldn't concentrate on meditating, no matter how hard I tried. Always, always my thoughts turned back to the Aoiya and what could be going on there. What she was doing there. Ever since my return to the Aoiya, I had been surprised again and again by the changes in Misao. The childish girl I had once known was still there in many ways, but she had changed in many ways as well. I couldn't help but wonder how she would handle this. Questions raced across my mind, and all of them were left unanswered.

Was Misao all right?

What did she think of me?

Did the others know?

What would happen between us now?

Forcing myself to relax, I tried to curb my thoughts. A relationship like she wanted couldn't exist between us. It would be too complicated. They were the remnants of a childish dream and I was foolish for letting her go on dreaming for so long. I was also twice the fool for secretly wishing there was a way in which those dreams could come true. Because of me, now I knew that they would never happen. But… that was what I wanted, right? This was why I had ignored her for so long. So that she would finally realize that she was too good for me.

Raking a hand through my hair, I suddenly sensed that someone was coming. Checking the position of the sun in the sky, I realized that it was time for my afternoon tea. My morning tea had been brought by Okon, so I was surprised to see Misao kneeling outside the shoji, slowly opening it as she always did. I was shocked to see her wearing a dark red kimono. I didn't know what this meant. Standing up and carrying in the tray, she placed it on the floor before me to pour a cup.

I studied her, looking for the smallest difference in her actions towards me. I only noticed one when she looked up to hand me the cup. Hurt. Betrayal. Pain. Her eyes which were normally filled with laughter and happiness were now taken over by these emotions. Her smile was there, as wide as it should be, but it wasn't real.

"Misao-" I began, but she cut me off.

"Aoshi what is done is done and you cannot fix it. I realize now what you have been trying to show me for years. I will not think of a relationship between us any longer, so just leave it alone," she finished. She hadn't looked at me once, instead opting to stare out the door that she had left open. I could only wonder if she did it on purpose to make it easier to run away from me.

I didn't have anything to answer her. She probably didn't expect me to say anything anyway. This was what I was supposed to want. This was what I wanted to hear, so she had said it. I put the cup of tea down empty. She asked if I wanted another but declined. I couldn't bear to sit here with her emotions pressing down on me. I was only a man and a man could only last so long with temptation staring me in the face.

Picking up the tray, she left without a word and didn't bother to close the door.

"I'm sorry… Misao."

_**Misao**_

I had all my things ready, had had them ready since I decided to get up this morning. The small part of me that had still hoped and prayed that Aoshi would say something to make it all better was what forced me to bring him his afternoon tea. But nothing happened; everything was not all better.

I did not want an apology from him that was about the last thing I wanted. What I wanted from him… was… what? Smirking, I realized that I didn't know what I expected from him anymore.

Straightening my kimono, I stepped into Okina's room. This was the last thing I needed to do. As my mentor and father-figure he deserved a goodbye.

"Oh, Misao, you've been looking rather gloomy lately. Come to tell me what's wrong?" he said when he saw me. His eyes had widened slightly at my chosen outfit, but he wisely chose not to comment on it.

"No, Okina I have not. I have come to say goodbye," I stated calmly and clearly waiting for his reaction.

He slowly put down the cup of tea he had been sipping before looking up at me. "May I ask where you are going, Misao?"

"To the continent."

Okina didn't even blink at my response. Sometimes I wondered if Aoshi had not learned how to be so emotionless from Okina. Okina had been his teacher after all. "Have you told the others of your plans?"

I could hear the hidden question within it. Have you told Aoshi? "No, I have not." I knew it was extremely cowardly and childish of me to be running away like I was, but I just didn't know what else to do. Pulling out two letters from my sleeve, I handed them over to him. "Please, give those to them after I have left."

He looked from me to the letters before quickly pulling me into a tight hug. "Goodbye Misao, just come back to us when you are done. I know you will."

By the time I pulled out of his hold, new tears had formed in my eyes again. I would miss him, miss them all dearly, but I needed to do this. Giving a quick and unusual display of affection, I kissed him on the cheek before departing.

I had saved a boy from a bunch of thugs during my early years of searching for Aoshi. After the ordeal he had grudgingly said that if I ever needed anything from him he would give it to me on his honor. That boy had turned out to be from a very wealthy family and now had a good trading business going on with China. Now seemed as good a time as ever to see if he was true to his word.

With one last backwards glance, I felt a tear streak down my face. "Goodbye everyone, I am so sorry for leaving you. Forgive me."

_**Aoshi**_

"Go away Okina, I am in no mood for your matchmaking today," I said when he entered. More than once he had come into the shrine to make not-so-subtle remarks on me taking Misao as my wife.

He let out a short chuckle, but it was hollow. "That is not what I have come here to do. I do not know what rift there is between you and Misao, but it seems large enough to force her away. She asked me to give you this," he said.

Since my back was turned to him, I couldn't see what he held, but my mind worked through the possibilities his words left unspoken. Force her away? What did he mean? I thought she understood. Turning around, I took in Okina's appearance. He looked older than he had in a while with a defeated look on his face, and in his outstretched hand was a letter.

Taking the few steps forward to take the letter from him, I saw her neat handwriting form my name on the brittle paper. Looking back up, I saw that Okina had retreated back to the doorway.

"She is still just a child in many ways, Aoshi, especially when it comes to you. I don't know what you could have done to hurt her so much, but obviously she couldn't handle it." With that, he closed the shoji, leaving me alone.

Tearing open the letter, my eyes quickly scanned the words before dropping the letter to the floor. Leaving the temple, I hurried over to the docks. Searching first through the crowds of people along the sides, I then turned my eyes over to the ships.

_Aoshi-_

_I cannot take it any longer and so I have decided to leave. I don't know if I'll be coming back, or if I do, when. Just know that I love you and had hoped for a long time that you would return my affection. I return the Oniwabanshuu back into your care, please take care of them. _

_Misao._

Thoughts raced through my head, each accompanied by a prayer to the gods to let me find her in time. Please, just let me find her and I would make it all up.

Misao, how could you? I thought you understood, I thought you knew how I could never have you, but would forever want to.

Hours of searching and I had still not found her. My hands tightened into fists, my fear turned into anger long before. Anger at myself, anger at the world, even some directed at her for leaving me so. I had checked all the passenger ships, but no one had said they had seen a girl fitting her description. I had just started on the trading ships, grateful that night was coming soon. No ships left at night, and that would give me time to search for her on them. Only one more ship was leaving and that was the one I would check next.

"Let me on the ship." It wasn't a plea, it was a command. Even so, the sailor wouldn't let me onboard.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't. We're about to leave and my captain would be very angry if we were made to wait for you to search our ship. Please understand," he swallowed, eyeing my twin kodachi wearily.

Although I wouldn't use them on him, a little fear would probably be enough to sway him to let me board. Just as I was reaching for one of the hilts, a voice called down.

"Hey Itsuma, what's taking you down there? Who's that you're talking to? He givin' you trouble?"

The sailor was practically shaking in his boots, not sure how to answer. I finally asked him, "Is there a woman on board your ship?"

"N-no, sir. No woman, none. It's bad luck to have a woman on a ship," he answered.

The voice from above called down again and I could see the growing fear in his eyes. Trusting him to his word, I turned away and made my way over to the next ship. Misao, where are you?

_**Misao**_

We had been delayed in leaving, and I didn't know why. Finally Minamoto called over to the crew that we could finally leave.

"Is that who you're running away from?" he asked as he came over to stand by me.

"Running away, what?" I looked at him in confusion.

"Don't play me for a fool Misao, I know someone desperate to get away when I see them. There was a guy down there keeping Itsuma busy and delaying our trip. Asking about a woman onboard the ship," he said, looking at me.

Could it be Aoshi? I ran over to the back of the ship, leaning over the side trying to find his tall figure amongst the crowds of people along the docks. Finally, when it would have been almost impossible to hear me because we were so far away, I shouted his name. I waited and waited, but nothing happened. I ended up staying there for hours, watching the coastline of my country disappear.

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**Animelover-** Really, you think it's that good? I'm flattered. In my opinion (and my sister's) I have no talent with words whatsoever. Yes, yes Misao will definitely get her revenge. Can't let Aoshi get away with his little stunt.

**Ms Western Ink-** You read my story! I was bouncing off the walls when I got your review, you have no idea. I did go a bit overboard with the woman though, didn't I? Me get you inspired? I have such a goofy grin on my face right now…

**NonameJane-** Perhaps one, perhaps the other. I think you can pretty much tell from this chapter though.

**Kimusume Kaoru-** Hope you liked this chapter, it was a long time in coming, I know.

**Milagros Diaz-** Ooh la la, French. I wanted to take it, but sadly am taking Spanish instead. I'm so happy that stories like mine keep you alive. Hopefully you haven't died in the time it took me to write this. ;

**Black Metalmark-** thanks for your review. See! I took your advice.

**Animefreak03-** lolz, no this isn't a one-shot, but I guess you can see that by now.

**Cute and Petite-** hope you liked this chapter!

**Reviewer-** I like to think that we all act immaturely when faced with tough decisions. I know that I do ;p But yes, Aoshi should know better than to be so stubborn.

**Kageharu Kaco-** I got your review today and was like, I think I should update my story. So three hours later… voila! Yes, it seems that many people would like to slap some sense into Aoshi. Perhaps I could sneak one in later on for everyone out there that wishes they could do it.

**REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN -** Well here I am, updating a story at 1:55 A.M. I have decided that if I were ever a bird, I would be an owl. I am simply more awake at night. I can think clearer and the words just flow through me. Maybe it has nothing to do with the night, and more with actually being able to think at all without the disturbance of family. Whatever, the gist and point of everything is that I have here the third installment of **Mistakes** and that's all anyone really cares about.

**Disclaimer -** I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, not even in the remotest sense. Which makes me quite sad.

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**Mistakes**

Chapter Three – **Death**

By **Venus Goddess**

_**Aoshi**_

After I had searched the last ship in the dock, I made my way back to the Aoiya. There were always the warehouses and inns along the way even if I visited each and every one of them, I would not find her. She was after all a shinobi trained expertly by teachers from a very young age. If she did not want to be found, she wouldn't.

Although I knew it was hopeless to continue my search, I was also loath to return to the Aoiya. By now Okina would have told the rest of them of Misao's departure if they hadn't already figured it out for themselves. I wouldn't exactly think anything of this if they wouldn't all be expecting me to bring her back safe and sound. Pausing to gain my bearings, I entered the doorway through the kitchen to find a room full of expectant people. It took a moment or two of whispering and neck craning before they realized that I did not have Misao with me. Immediately all the hopeful faces turned into disappointed and dejected ones. Knowing not to stay where I was not wanted, I silently walked over to the temple. I could feel a headache coming on.

Slowly breathing in and out, I felt my anger building up inside. Although no one had said it, I was the one that they all blamed for Misao's sudden disappearance. And since I had not been able to find her and bring her back, I was also a failure.

Failure.

That word raged in my head, in my soul. The last time I had failed at anything was when I was nine years old and been sent on my first assignment. It was a simple mission, really. We had to retrieve a contract that had been stolen and could be used as blackmail against the shogun. Since I was too young to really do anything, I had been kept as a lookout for the other members. My participation was not exactly necessary, but it was good experience for me, and so Makimachi-san had let me come along. While staying guard outside waiting for the others to get the document, I had slowly nodded off and not noticed when a patrol guard came around the corner. When I finally woke up, it was too late. The guard had seen me and sounded an alarm when I dashed inside to warn the others.

Even though no one was harmed and we did make it out with the document, everyone had been put into unnecessary danger because of my failing to stay awake. I was punished for a month afterward and vowed to never fail in anything ever again. I stayed faithful to that vow for the next 17 years until the day when Kanyruu killed my comrades.

Taking in a deep breath, I tried to calm down. I could feel myself becoming intensely incensed by all these bad memories, from all the disappointment and all the pain.

How could all those good men die?

How could I let them die?

What was my life coming to; first them and now Misao?

Misao.

All of a sudden all the anger I had been trying to control, snapped. My breathing hitched and I could feel tension building up in my muscles. I kept my hands clenched to keep from doing anything harmful to myself or anything near.

Misao. How could she do this to us, to me? Just get up and leave, abandoning us all to who knows what end. It was not I who was to be blamed for all this, but her. I had believed her to be stronger than this. Her childish ways and immature reaction showed just how unfit she was to belong here with the rest of the loyal members as part of the Oniwabanshuu, much less their leader.

My mind set, I got up and walked back to the Aoiya. She was gone and it was her choice, not mine. The Oniwabansuu was once again under my care and I would reestablish our place in society instead of letting our name rot with time. Misao was not here, she did not care.

_**Misao**_

The entire trip from Kyoto to Shanghai took a couple of days. I couldn't remember most of it, since I was either unconscious or sick in bed. Actually, during the few moments of calm consciousness that I had, I looked on my sickness as a sort of blessing. With my seasickness, I didn't have the time or energy to think about my actions or Aoshi and I was grateful.

By the time I got used to the side-to-side swaying of the boat, we were already in sight of China's coastline. Since Minamoto and his crew were traders with the Chinese they were fluent in both Mandarin and Wu, the predominant dialect in Shanghai. During my travels, I had also picked up some phrases and words in a couple the Chinese dialects and thought that now would be as good a time as ever to perfect my Mandarin and learn some new words.

Bouncing over to where Minamoto was by the wheel, I stood right in front of him. "Hey!"

He gave me an annoyed glare and tried to push me to the side so he could see. When it became obvious that I would stay where I was, he finally gave in. "Whaddya want?"

I mock pouted before breaking into a grin, gloating over my victory. "Why do you have to be so grumpy? I just want someone to talk to."

Looking to the side, he muttered, "More like someone to bother."

Smoothly slipping out a kunai from my obi, I began to flaunt it skillfully in front of his eyes. I would never use it on him, no never that, but it was fun to get him a little nervous. I was only teasing him, after all. My smile turned broader when I caught him eyeing the kunai warily. I had learned the trick from Aoshi himself. If the individual was no threat, it was the quickest way to gain compliance.

The flashback brought on a surge of emotions, but I swallowed them to be brought up at another time. Sheathing the knife, I focused my attentions back onto Minamoto.

"Since you'll be here for quite some time and I'll be here for quite some time too, why don't we practice our Mandarin and Wu dialects?" I grinned from ear to ear when he ruefully nodded his head.

By the time we were finished, I had learned more than a couple of new words and phrases. Of course, with him being a sailor and all, not all of them were to be used in polite company.

After the quick lesson, we both went down to eat a short supper supplied by the ship's chef lovingly dubbed 'Fives' for his excellent cooking. I tried to keep Minamoto with me as long as possible but eventually he left to his cabin while I did the same.

During the quiet period before I fell asleep, I knew that what I had been avoiding for so long was coming back to haunt me.

I had deserted the Oniwabanshuu. Despite all the events that surrounded my actions, this was in no way excusable. The punishment could range anywhere between banishment and even death. Flipping over in the cot, I mulled over what my desertion could mean and if I would do anything different. Eventually, my mind found its way over to thoughts of Aoshi.

As of now, I was confused. I didn't know what I felt when it came to Aoshi. At first it had been hurt, then it turned into anger, then into something I didn't know what to call. Acceptance? No, I hadn't accepted Aoshi's lack of feelings because whenever I thought about him and that… that _whore_ I found myself back at hurt. Letting out a scream into my pillow I wished that I could understand. I hated not knowing how I felt. When I went to turn back around to get more comfortable, I heard someone pounding on my door.

"Makimachi-san! Makimachi-san, time to wake up! We're just about ready to dock, so cap'n says to get out of bed!"

That sounded like Itsumo, but what he was saying couldn't be true. Just two minutes ago I was getting ready to go to bed, how could we be docking already? Groaning, I covered my head with the blanket. I had lost all sleep thinking about Aoshi. Getting my things ready, I prepared to leave the ship.

_**Aoshi**_

Resting my head on my hands, I thought about the past couple of days. When I finally told the others about Misao's leaving, they had taken it pretty badly. All of them had thought that she had simply run away for a while and would come back. When they realized that she wouldn't, reactions were quite different. Omasu and Okon had even yelled at me.

"What did you _do_ to her, Aoshi?" screamed Okon, slamming her fist down on the kitchen table.

"It would take a lot to make her run away from us completely. Only you have that kind of power over her, and you don't even know it. She has done nothing but love you, what have you done!" accused Omasu, jabbing a finger in my direction.

The guys, Shiro and Kuro had stayed quiet, but that didn't stop them from giving me as many glares as possible.

All of them, even Jiya tried to avoid me as much as possible, and when they absolutely had to deal with me it was over and done with quickly. Deciding to deal with the problem of how I would lead a team that as of now hated and distrusted me later, I went back to the paperwork.

Flipping through the mass of documents that had to be looked through, I glanced through them with not really reading them. My mind was still wondering how I would put back together the network of connections that had once made the Oniwabanshuu strong. Many of them had decayed during my time with Kanryuu, long before Misao ever assumed the role of leadership. She had done a good job securing all the contacts in Kyoto and Tokyo, along with some valuable ones in each of the four main islands. However, many of the small but valuable ones in remote places hadn't been contacted in years.

Feeling a headache coming on, I went down to the kitchens to prepare my own tea. Since Misao was gone and the others hated me, no one would bring it to me. I didn't really mind that. It was more the memory of her and loss of her company that made me hate this menial chore. Going back to my office, I got ready to hole myself in there for the rest of the day and possibly night. Looking out the window, I decided that it didn't matter and I was better for it anyways. Work took my mind off of Misao.

_**Misao**_

I quickly said my goodbyes to Minamoto and the others before entering the throng of the busy port.

Looking around me at the signs on top of the doors, I looked for one called the Panda Bear Inn. Minamoto had recommended it to me saying that although it wasn't the best place around, it was cheap and in a relatively safe area. Last night during our lesson, he had shown me the characters and even written them down on a scrap of paper so that I would recognize them when I saw them.

After about twenty minutes of blind searching, I finally found the inn. Although the outside was pretty shabby, the inside gave an air of coziness. The old woman at the register gave me a warm smile as I approached her.

Bowing slightly, I prepared to ask her for a room. Although I was slow and stumbled through a word or two, she was patient and showed me to a room on the third floor. As we made our way there, she told me that her name was Ai and that if I ever needed anything, to ask her. Opening the door for me, she bowed and handed me the key before going back down the stairs.

Closing the door before putting my stuff down on a table to my left, I took a look around. The room was small, but cozy just like everything else in the inn. The bed was against the wall on the right near a window that overlooked the street. Walking over to the window, I leaned over the sill to take in the new country.

Down below, people were rushing back and forth taking care of their daily tasks. I could see the thick black electric wires that connected each building with the next in an endless network of rubber. Here, many more people were dressed up in the form-fitting western clothing than there were back home in Japan.

Home…I wondered when or if I would ever return to the Aoiya. I had left in such a rush, not letting myself think about what I was doing. I knew that if I had, I wouldn't be able to force myself to leave and would instead stay and put myself through so much more pain.

Resting my head down on the sill, I now wondered what the others were thinking of right now. Did they hate me? Did they blame me for leaving them so abruptly with hardly an explanation? If they did, I could hardly blame them. I had done the childish thing and run away from my problems. What kind of leader was I?

Breathing in deeply, I could smell the salt in the air. The smell of the ocean was comforting to me since I had always liked it.

Standing up straight, I decided to leave the past behind me. I was here to grow and the past would only hinder me. I could feel new tears gathering in my lids and this time I decided to let them fall as this was the last time I would ever allow myself to think of my past in Japan. Of my adventures around the country, of my friends in Tokyo, and of course, especially Aoshi. These weren't tears of hurt or betrayal, these were tears of mourning.

I went over to the bed to lie down since I suddenly felt extremely exhausted. I could feel a vast emptiness inside of me. Wondering for a moment or two of what it could be, I realized that that was where my whole life up until now had resided. My childhood was gone, dead. Curling up into a ball, I let go of everything I had once been in a torrent of tears.

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**AN** – Well, how did you like it? Tell me what you think, I am dying to know. As I have said and will continue to say, reviews do work as bribes.

Since I am tired and quite lazy right now, I won't use that reviewer reply thingy. I'll use it next time, I promise. Right now I am just too tired to use the 3 of energy required to move the mouse and click.

**Lucerito-del-alma -** Yes indeed, it would be too fluffy. AndI am way too early on in my story for fluffiness. I prefer my fluffiness to come later on, near the end.

**tayuya-chan - **Oh, I'm sure that you could write something really good if you really tried. And you can't be illiterate if you read my wonderful work::shameless plug:

**Black Metalmark – **I'm glad you're not confused, and it does look a lot better. And concerning Aoshi… he really should try harder with Misao. I'll be sure to tell him next time they meet up.

**Ms Western Ink – **That happened to me once too, I really don't like that rule. But if you ever really wanted to, you could just e-mail me, I wouldn't mind. Yes, Misao. Well I thought that she couldn't just let go of the love of her life so easily, so I put that part in there to show that.

**Kageharu Kaco – **:waves back: Well, I must say that Aoshi doesn't seem to be doing much. Goodness, I should seriously whip his butt into shape.


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